It’s Not Your Job to Punish Me

And, God said, “Mow Thy Grass”

You know those people who just thrive on awkward situations?  The ones who find some sense of joy and weird adrenaline rushes from the strangest, most uncomfortable situations on the planet?

Yeah, I’m not one of those people

In fact, I hate awkward situations.  I suck at small talk; I laugh awkwardly at the most inopportune times, and I avoid confrontation like the plague.  So, you can imagine the absolute dread overwhelming me as I walked into a counseling session with my daughter knowing my ex-husband who isn’t exactly on the most stellar terms with me right now would be sitting in the waiting room with us.  

The first few minutes of the afternoon went about as I had expected--a door slammed in my face, no words exchanged, etc, etc.  And, then, the dreaded point in the afternoon where our daughter went in with the counselor by herself, leaving the two of us seated together on a way too small couch in the waiting area.  

I picked up a magazine and began thumbing through it.  “Read the psych articles,” I told myself. “Don’t even look over there,” I repeated inwardly.  “This too shall pass,” I tried to convince myself.

And, it was all going beautifully silently until that dreaded moment.  You know the moments, the ones where God speaks to you clear as day, and you try to ignore him, but he just persists.  Sigh. Seriously, God? This is the moment you choose to speak to me as if you are sitting in the room with me? You have got to be kidding me.  

I focused more intently on my mental health magazine as God clearly said, “Ask him if he needs you to mow his grass.”  

“Nope.  Huh-uh. Not gonna happen.”

“Ask him if he wants you to mow his grass.”

“Seriously?  He just slammed the door in my freakin’ face?  Really?”

“I’m only going to tell you one more time, Kristen, ask him if he wants you to mow his grass.”

I tightened my grip on my magazine, swore a little in my head (sorry, God), took a deep breath, looked up and over at him, and said: “Do you need me to mow your grass?”

Now, I know what you’re probably expecting: the heavens to open up, God to work a miracle, and all to be healed and restored!!!!

Yeah, nope.

I’m not mowing his grass.

Nor am I letting the dog out.

But, I asked, and that’s what God told me to do.

No Condemnation

I met some really fantastic people in prison, but I also met some, well, less than fantastic people as well.  I spent my days with murderers, drug dealers, thieves, prostitutes, and everything in between. I shared meals with them, bunks with them, and stories with them.  And, sometimes, I even shared Jesus with them.  

But, you know what I learned not to ever share with them:  my condemnation and my punishment.  

Now, I would love to tell you that I have always been an open-minded, loving, non-judgmental individual who crawled down into the trenches with everyone and just loved the snot out of all people just like Jesus did, but that would be a lie.  Don’t get me wrong; I didn’t even know it was a lie until I found myself facedown on the floor of the arena, but I definitely wasn’t an “eat with the sinners” kind of Christian. I was more the “watch from a distance” and “judge a little, condemn a little, and punish a little” kind of Christian.  And, for the record, I wouldn’t suggest that brand of Christianity--if you can even call it Christianity.

Because it’s not my job to punish you.

And, it’s not your job to punish me.

Let that sink in for a minute.  

No matter what I’ve done or what you’ve done, it is absolutely not our job to punish each other.  No matter how mad we get, how hurt we get, or how much our humanity makes us want to lash out in punishment, it is not our job to punish or condemn one another.

I honestly can’t tell you how many times I read the New Testament and parts of the Old Testament over the last 8 months.  I love Paul’s letters, can’t get enough of Jesus’s words, and feel a little bit like a voyeur when I read the heartfelt cries of David and the prophets.  But, what I do know for sure is that Jesus’s message was a message of love. I know I reference this scripture often, but it is so important to us as Christ-followers that I just have to!  In John 13:34-35, Jesus says to his disciples: “So I give you now a new commandment: Love each other just as much as I have loved you. For when you demonstrate the same love I have for you by loving one another, everyone will know that you’re my true followers.”  Did you hear that? Jesus tells his disciples, he tells us, to love one another. And you know what is not in love: condemnation and punishment.  

I was sitting in church one Saturday evening during my time behind the fence, and the pastor, who is an amazing teacher and speaker, was talking about the ideas of shame and condemnation.  And, I love him because he is so incredibly bible-based and so incredibly authentic. He was referencing Romans 8:1, and he went so far as to tell his church that we are all going to screw up!  No matter how long we have known Christ, it is inevitable to think that we won’t screw up. So, he said, find friends who truly practice Romans 8:1 and who won’t condemn you or punish you when you fall!  Wow!  If that isn’t loving each other as Christ has loved you, I just don’t even know what is.  Friends, can we say that about ourselves? Can we honestly love each other so much that we don’t punish and we don’t condemn each other after our failures?

Be Kind and Affectionate to One Another:

In his letter to the Ephesians, Paul tells them to “be kind and affectionate toward one another.  Has God graciously forgiven you? Then graciously forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love” (TPT).  That’s a lofty command right there. I love The Passion Translation of this verse because the idea of showing affection to one another has an even stronger connotation in my mind than the NIV translation of “compassion.”  Paul is telling the Ephesians to be kind, to show affection, and to forgive one another in the depths of Christ’s love.  Wow.  Nowhere in this is there room for condemnation or punishment.  Nowhere.  

Listen, if I’m going to be honest here, there are definitely people in my life who have hurt me terribly and who I would really, really like to condemn and punish.  I’m far from perfect, and sometimes when I open my mouth, Satan definitely comes out instead of Jesus. But, I know this for sure: I want to be the friend who is kind, affectionate, and forgives in the depths of Christ’s love.  I want to be the person who doesn’t condemn or punish, regardless of how you treat me or have treated me in the past. And that is a challenge.

I didn’t want to ask my ex if he wanted me to mow his yard.  I wanted to yell and scream at him. I wanted to condemn him and punish him.  And, honestly, I still struggle daily with those feelings. But, my God is bigger than my ex.  And, I know God’s calling me to be kind, compassionate, and forgiving as well, regardless of how he chooses to treat me and even when he slams the door in my face.

Friends, I pray that you aren’t practicing the brand of Christianity I used to where you judge a little, punish a little, and condemn a little.  I pray that you are practicing being truly Christ-like: kind, affectionate, and forgiving. And, I pray that if you are the one who lost their way for a little while or even a long while that you will find friends who are kind, affectionate, and forgiving, friends that don’t condemn and punish, friends who choose to love you in your messiness.