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Loving My Enemies



Lately, I’ve been having a really hard time loving my enemies and praying for the people who persecute me.  Honestly, I’m not sure I have ever actually had a real, full-blown enemy before, and, while I’ve dealt with some persistently annoying people in my life, I can’t say I’ve ever been truly persecuted before.  But, lately...wow. I’ve said before that I’m a glass 99% full kind of person, so to wake up every day expecting an attack is not something I’ve ever been accustomed to. Recently, though, I wake up hoping for the best but expecting the worst from certain individuals in my life.  

Have you been there?
It’s exhausting.

I was sitting in a session with my daughter’s counselor last week, and I was explaining to her that I’ve honestly quit even addressing the attacks and the lies of certain enemies because it’s just not worth it.  She nodded sympathetically and reassured me of how exhausting that life must be. She was absolutely correct. It is exhausting, and I know it’s exhausting because I have spent months attempting to fight the lies and the attacks through explanations, reality, and the truth.  What I learned, though, is that my efforts were all fruitless. It is impossible to convince someone to see the truth when they are so deceived by their own lies.  

And, I have struggled with this for the past four months.  

If you are someone who actually reads all of my writing (thank you), then you might have noticed I’ve been pretty silent for the past few months.  I’ve published an article here and there, but my blog has been, well, stagnant. I’ve been silent because I’ve been struggling to be the bigger person, to love my enemies, and to pray for those who persecute me. I’ve been struggling to be Jesus with skin on and to model kindness, gentleness, and compassion.  I’ve been struggling to set myself aside and be the woman of integrity, the woman after God’s own heart, that God created me to be. I’ve been beaten down, kicked around, and all but defeated. Even though I haven’t wanted to admit it, I’ve been stuck in the pit of defeat for far too long. And I can’t love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me if I’m stuck in the pit.

But I’m not defeated yet.

I love it when God whispers to me, but sometimes he speaks clearly through others when I can’t or won’t hear the whisper.  Still in that session with my daughter’s counselor, God spoke truth through her. At the end of the hour, she looked at me and told me I needed to forgive and I needed to pray for my enemies.  Listen, I’m going to be completely honest with you here: I didn’t want to forgive. I didn’t want to go through the painful process of working through the hurt, the abuse, and the lies. I wanted to allow myself to continue to believe that I had forgiven and go on my merry way.  

But, I knew that wasn’t the truth.
And, I knew she was right.

So, I sat there for a few minutes, and I thought about what it was she was asking me to do.  And, I agreed to go through the painful process and allow the holy spirit to guide me through forgiving my enemies.  Because I realized that I can’t love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me if I haven’t forgiven them.  

I know I’ve been a little quiet recently, but please walk and read with me through this series on Loving Your Enemies.

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