30 More Days of Grace

The Messy Truth I’ve written this four times.  Each time, though, it seems too neat, too tidy, too finite, like wearing a power suit to brunch at the coffee shop with your best friend when you should be unshowered in joggers and a hoodie with your hair up in a messy bun.   I start to write, get a page or two in and find myself staring at the words and wondering if I really believe them or fearing if I hit publish, what then?  How will I be attacked? What will the fallout be? How will I lose? Because, spiritual warfare is real, and Satan is real, and I know Satan doesn’t want me to love my enemies.  He doesn’t want you to love your enemies. He wants us all to wallow around in our hate and anger until it festers into something uncontrollable. But I don’t want that.  I don’t want the hate. I don’t want the anger. I don’t want the spitefulness or the cynicism or the doubt. I just want peace.  I want the peace of knowing...

The Struggle is Real True forgiveness is one of the most difficult aspects of attempting to live like Jesus for me.  I’m really good at ignoring people, pretending like hurts don’t exist, and putting on an “I’m fine” face.  I’m really good at moving forward, doing what needs to be done, and making the most of really terrible situations.   But, I’m really bad at wrestling with the hurt and pain others have caused me and forgiving them.   It’s not even that I wallow around in the pit of self-pity or harbor unresolved anger.  No, instead, I just ignore the offenses and the effects they had on me and move on with my life.  And, I know what you’re probably thinking: that doesn’t sound that bad. It could be worse, right?  I’m sure it could be. The reality, though, is that Jesus commanded us to forgive one another, just as our father in heaven has forgiven us, and that means I can’t just go on with my life in a constant state of ...

But, Mommmmmm…. My older brother, Jeremy, had this obsession with unique vehicles when he was a teenager and throughout his early twenties.  He chose to buy some of the strangest cars and trucks. When he was still in high school, he bought this 1970s boat of a white Cadillac.  It was one of the biggest, ugliest, most impractical cars ever. But, he had the money, and he wanted it, so he bought it. And the trend only continued from there with his El Camino, Dodge Stealth, and Sporty S10--all completely impractical cars that our mother disapproved of and knew were far from his best choices.  But, she never tried to talk him out of his car choices or even make a case as to why he should be doing something differently. I think mom knew it would be a pointless argument to even attempt. I think she knew Jeremy well enough to know that he was determined to do what he wanted regardless of whether or not it was his best choice.   And she knew he would co...