You are Enough

Middle School Angst
I met her in 7th grade. Her name was Angie. And she hated me. And that is a problem when your class is a whopping 100 kids, and you only have one honors class for each subject. Thank God she wasn’t musical at all, or we probably would have had every single class together in junior high and maybe even high school. She didn’t go out of her way to be mean to me; she just made it blatantly obvious that she hated me whenever she got the chance. You know, run of the mill 90s girl drama before social media (thank you, Jesus, for that small blessing).

I survived middle school with Angie, and we moved on to high school. We had many of the same friends, but I took more of the sporty, involved route, and she took more of the rebel, party route. We still had tons of classes together, and she still expressed her hatred of me whenever she had the chance, still with no explanation.

Finally, during my junior year, we were in a club together, and we were elected President and Vice President, which meant we had to actually work together. We were sitting outside after school one day working on our poster advertising our women’s self esteem club (feminism of the 90s) when I finally decided enough was enough. I laid my paint brush down and sat there for just a minute before I point blank asked her what I had done to make her hate me. She stopped painting, but she didn’t look up right away. Finally, she laid the paintbrush down and looked up at me with this puzzled look on her face. And she said the strangest thing, “I have no idea.”

Silence.

We just sat there looking at each for a minute. Finally, I started laughing just a little bit, and laughter is contagious, so Angie started snickering a little too. Within a minute, we were both rolling in laughter. She had no explanation. She had no reason. I had literally done nothing and said nothing to make her hate me. In her middle school angst, she had simply made the decision to hate me. And hate me she did for the next five years. There was nothing I could have said, nothing I could have done that would have changed her mind.

It was the strangest thing ever.
Except that it really wasn’t.

Not Good Enough
We all have our Angies.
We all have that person or people who no matter what we do, it isn’t good enough.
No matter what we do, they will find fault in it.
No matter what we do, we walk away feeling as if we aren’t enough.

I have always struggled with these types of people. I tend to be much more logical than emotional, so I’m not always the most sensitive, and I tend to lack tolerance for drama. I mistakenly thought that once I reached adulthood, I would be free and clear of these experiences.

I was wrong.

Countless times I have been hurt, attacked, and scarred by the different Angies in my life. And I have walked away feeling as if I wasn’t enough. In fact, I find myself dealing with a few Angies in my life right now. And, you know what I’ve learned?

I can’t control the Angies in my life.
I can’t control their emotions.
I can’t control their reactions.
I can’t control their perceptions.
I can’t control them.

You know what I can control?
Me.

I can control how I treat the Angie’s in my life. I can control how I react to the Angie’s in my life. I can control my attitude toward the Angie’s in my life. I can control my thoughts about the Angie’s in my life. And that has to be enough because I am enough. Because you are enough.

If Jesus had been Passive Aggressive…
Can you imagine if Jesus had been passive aggressive? It actually makes me laugh out loud to think how he would have passively aggressively dealt with some of the challenging situations in his life.

“You know, Zaccheus, if you didn’t have short man’s syndrome, you might not be such a douchey tax collector.”

“It’s cool, Peter. That dude didn’t need that ear anyway. I’m sure there’s a solid plastic surgeon...oh wait. It’s 30 AD. Never mind…”

“Ohhhh...they didn’t let you put your clothes on before they dragged you out here to be stoned. Hmmm...you might want to think about taking up Crossfit. It’s for your own good.”

“You know, if you guys had just a little more faith, you could have fed a few more people with those loaves and fish.”

“Seriously, John, the locust and honey thing? It’s a bit much.”

“Guys, that’s a donkey. A donkey. Glad to see the King of Kings is only worthy of a freakin’ donkey. Maybe next time you guys can pay a little more attention to detail.”

“Hey, lady! You think maybe you could actually marry that guy you’re shacked up with instead of just saying he’s your husband? That’s a little whorish, don’t you think?”

So often, so very often, I want to spout off to the Angie’s in my life with sarcasm, anger, and passive aggressive retorts. I wish Jesus had been just a teensy bit sarcastic or passive aggressive so I could justify my own responses. But he wasn’t. Not even for a minute.

When I’m being attacked, when absolutely everything I’ve done is systematically taken apart and criticized, all I want to do is lash out, to attack, to make my Angie feel even smaller than he/she has made me feel.

But, I’m learning.

I’m learning that what’s important isn’t the rebuttal. It’s not the passive aggressive comment. It’s not the sarcastic response. No, what’s important is that I can lay my head down on my pillow at night knowing I did the right thing. It’s that I can lay my head down on my pillow knowing that I am enough.

And you are enough too.

You are Enough.
Who’s your Angie?
Is she a friend? A coworker? A church lady?
Or maybe she’s someone a little closer to home: your mom? Your husband? Your daughter? Your sister?

When your Angie attacks and makes you feel less than and like you’re not enough, I hope you can remember these truths:

Romans 5: 3-8 (The Message)
We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn’t, and doesn’t, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn’t been so weak, we wouldn’t have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him.

I’m not going to lie: I don’t like the first part of that passage. I don’t like to think about all these valuable lessons I “get to” learn in troubles and trials. I prefer to avoid those things...and my Angies. Can I get an Amen? But, I love the part of this where Paul promises that Jesus will never leave us shortchanged, where Paul promises that Jesus will generously fill us with more than we can even hold. I love the part of this where he reminds us that we are enough, that we can’t control our Angies and their treatment of us, but we can rest assured knowing that God saw us at our weakest and still saw us as worthy, as enough.

And probably my favorite truth:

Matthew 11: 28-30 (The Message)
Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

This has become my mantra as of late. What an amazingly beautiful promise. Think about it like this:

Is your Angie criticizing your parenting?
Come to me. Get away with me. Let me show you rest.
Is your Angie criticizing your work?
Come to me. Get away with me. Let me show you rest.
Is your Angie holding your mistakes over your head?
Come to me. Get away with me. Let me show you rest.
Is your Angie telling you you aren’t good enough?
Come to me. Get away with me. Let me show you rest.
Is your Angie making you feel like you aren’t enough?
Come to me. Get away with me. Let me show you rest.
You know what Jesus doesn’t say here?
He doesn’t say you need to be more.
He doesn’t say you need to do more.
He doesn’t say you aren’t enough.

He simply says:
Hey you! Yeah, you. I see you. I know you’re a friggin trainwreck. I know you’re exhausted. I know you aren’t perfect. I know. I know you want to throat punch Angie. I know you want to spout off to her. I know you did last week. It’s okay. Come to me. Take a walk with me. Bask in grace with me. And I will give you rest. Let me carry that for you. I can do that for you. I WANT to do that for you. Let me lighten your burden. It’s what I’m here for you. You. I’m here for you. For your burden. Because you are enough.

Lay it Down:
I pray that tonight you can lay your head down on your pillow knowing that you are enough. I pray that you, your trainwreck, and your exhaustion will accept that invitation to simply come, to take a walk with Jesus, to bask in the grace, and to release your burden so that you can find rest.

Because you are enough.

Until next time, my friends...






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