Sunday School Stories: What Causes Fear
I think I was in 5th grade the first time a Sunday School teacher scarred me with the “sins on the big screen” illustration. Maybe you’ve heard it, and maybe you’ve even been equally scarred by it, but, just in case you aren’t familiar with it, please let me share.
Luke 12: 1-3 says,
“Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: 'Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.'”
Somewhere along the way, that scripture has been interpreted by some to mean that when you die and face judgment, you are obviously going to stand before God and beside you will be a giant movie screen. Pretty cool so far, huh? Unfortunately, this interpretation teaches that ALL YOUR SINS will play back on said giant movie screen for everyone to see. After all, Jesus did say everything will be “proclaimed from the roofs,” right?
Now, hear me when I say that it didn’t occur to my 10 year old self that there weren’t giant movie screens during bible times. And, it didn’t occur to me that projecting all of my sins on a giant movie screen might be a bit counter to the whole idea of forgiveness and Jesus casting our sins as far as the east is from the west. I wasn’t capable of producing any of these logical thoughts because I WAS MORTIFIED and scared to freaking death. The fear of every single thing I had ever done wrong and ever would do wrong in my whole entire life being projected for everyone in all eternity to see paralyzed me.
Of course, this is also the same Sunday School teacher who taught me that I had to ask forgiveness for every single sin I committed every single day, and if I missed one, I was damned to hell, so he encouraged me to make sure I ended my nightly prayers with “and forgive me of all of my sins I committed today,” just in case I might have missed one. So...yeah...that’s another issue for another day and another therapy session.
I digress.
No Perfect People Allowed
I lived in this fear for years. Thank goodness I finally began to understand grace, forgiveness, Jesus, and God and eventually got over this fear...somewhat. See, I don’t think I’ve ever really truly moved past this fear. I genuinely feared appearing weak, having anyone see my mistakes, or ever being “less than.” Hence, my 39 years of being “fine.”
But, guess what?
Everyone has weakness.
Everyone makes mistakes.
Everyone struggles with being “less than” at times.
And, man oh man, was my weakness and mistake put out there for the world. In fact, it kind of felt like my sin was projected on a giant movie screen for all to see. And, because of that, I started thinking about the Jesus Paradox.
Jesus: Friend of Sinners
Here’s the thing about Jesus: he was, well is, perfection. BUT, he was, well is, the epitome of love. And here’s why that seems like a paradox. Jesus was perfect. He never sinned. He faced all sorts of temptations and opportunities to sin, but he didn’t. Instead, he loved the imperfect perfectly and completely. Perfection loving on imperfection.
He didn’t judge.
He didn’t shun.
He didn’t gossip.
He didn’t dig for the dirty details.
He didn’t turn his nose up.
He didn’t act like he was holier than thou (even though he was).
He just loved.
He looked at people and saw them instead of their sin.
He just loved.
And he hung out, ate with, and loved on some seriously socially unacceptable people, people whose sins were projected for everyone to see, whose sins were recorded in the bible for everyone in all of eternity to see! I can’t even begin to imagine all of the people Jesus interacted with on a daily basis, and sometimes I struggle to picture what this would look like today, but this is what I think it would probably look like:
When I think about Zacchaeus, I think about way more than a wee little man! He was a tax collector lining his pockets with other people's’ money. And we might as well add the disciple Matthew to that list. He was a tax collector too. That might not seem so bad until we put it in modern day terms: Think Bernie Madoff or maybe The Wolf of Wall Street. Just picture Jesus sitting in a fancy Manhattan restaurant laughing and sharing dinner with them for everyone to see. Can you even imagine what the religious would think of that?
And, when I think about the sinful woman who washes Jesus’s feet with ridiculously expensive oil, I have to use my imagination, but I’m guessing “the sinful woman” was probably, maybe, a little more promiscuous than would have been acceptable in bible times. We don’t know what her “sins” were, but she is described as living a “sinful life,” and everyone knew it. So, think about that for a minute. What’s that look like for us today? Maybe Kim Kardashian (right after the sex tape leak) washing Jesus’s feet with her hair and her super expensive perfume line, the religious right freaking out, and Jesus telling them step back and shut up.
And, honestly, one of the saddest examples to me is the poor Samaritan woman Jesus met at the well. Talk about the epitome of social outcast. Let me try to put this in today’s terms. Think about a woman with a muslim dad and agnostic mom who has been married multiple times and is currently living with a guy who isn’t her husband, who doesn’t fit anywhere in society, who will literally do anything to avoid the judgmental eyes of the soccer moms, even if it means grocery shopping at 2:00 am. Think about Jesus meeting her in the middle of the beverage aisle at 2:00 am. Can you imagine the gossip if anyone saw this encounter?
I can understand how some people struggle with this paradox of perfection loving on imperfection, but I think Jesus-followers sometimes struggle even more with another side to the Jesus Paradox: the side that really conveys his combo of love and perfection that wasn’t just reserved for those sinners who didn’t know him. And, honestly, I think this is one of the hardest things for Jesus-followers to grasp. It’s so hard to forget our humanity and allow Jesus’s grace and love to flow through us when it comes to other Jesus-followers. It’s almost like we turn into the Pharisees ourselves and forget our own imperfections sometimes. But Jesus’s perfection and love was just as amazing for his children who lost their way, whether for a little while or for a long while.
Think about Peter.
Yeah, he was one of the disciples, but he also had what you might call some serious anger issues. He literally got so ticked off he hacked off a guy’s ear “in the name of Jesus.” He denied Jesus three different times in one night, but Jesus still extended perfect love and perfect grace to him over and over again. Peter was a disciple; he was literally a Jesus-follower. Have you ever thought about what that means? Peter was constantly sinning, constantly screwing up, in the very presence of the physical Jesus. But, Jesus didn’t kick him out!
He didn’t shun him.
He didn’t put him time out and make him think about his actions.
He didn’t turn to James and John and give them all the dirty details of Peter’s screw ups.
He didn’t judge him.
He didn’t act like he was holier than thou (even though he was).
He just loved him.
He saw Peter as Peter, not as his sins.
He just loved him.
And, can you take a minute and think about what it must have been like for Peter to face the disciples after his major screw ups? Here’s Jesus being...well Jesus, but the disciples, they were human, and I’m sure there were some of them who probably had “Pharisee tendencies.” I can imagine that when Peter had to face them after he denied Jesus three times in one night or hacked off a dude’s ear that some of his (literally) Jesus-following friends were a little less than Jesus-like to him.
I can imagine some of them shunning him.
I can imagine some of them judging him.
I can imagine some of them turning their noses up at him.
I can imagine some of them pursing their lips and shaking their heads at him.
I can imagine some of them whispering to each other for the dirty details.
I can imagine some of them acting as if they were holier than thou (even though they weren’t).
And that must have been terrible for him. To be surrounded by friends who were literally following in Jesus’s footsteps, and to still have them make Peter feel “less than.”
But, I also have to imagine that there were a few of his Jesus-following buddies who got down in the trenches with him, sat in his pain with him, and emulated Jesus.
I can imagine they just loved him.
I can imagine they just saw him as Peter instead of his sin.
I can imagine they just loved him.
Saints and Sinners
I’m guessing we have all had times in our lives where we have acted like the Pharisees, times in our lives where we have been the sinner Jesus sought out and defended, times in our lives where we have been the Jesus-following screw up like Peter, and, hopefully, times in our lives where we have emulated Jesus. I know I have spent years with “Pharisee-tendencies,” and right now I’m feeling a bit like the “less than” Peter. In true Jesus fashion, despite my screw-ups, God has showered me with Jesus-following buddies who have no problem getting down in the trenches with me, sitting with me in my pain, and constantly loving me like Jesus.
But you know what?
I know there are a myriad of Jesus-followers out there who struggle with their “Pharisee tendencies.”
I can imagine some of them shunning me.
I can imagine some of them judging me.
I can imagine some of them turning their noses up at me.
I can imagine some of them pursing their lips and shaking their heads at me.
I can imagine some of them whispering to each other for the dirty details.
I can imagine some of them acting as if they are holier than thou (even though they aren’t).
And just like it must have been for Peter, that fear is paralyzing.
But, the Jesus Paradox gives me Hope, and here’s why: Peter denied Jesus three times the night before his crucifixion, but you know who Jesus sought out and met with ALONE before he rejoiced with all of his disciples after his resurrection? Peter. Peter had the most epic of epic fail moments, but Peter was who Jesus chased down after his resurrection. Peter, the Jesus-following screw-up, was the first disciple Jesus loved on after his crucifixion.
Perfection loving on imperfection.
That’s the Jesus Paradox.
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